jumping off

Looking out from my window, suddenly think of what would be the feeling of jumping off from 13^th floor. (For those who don’t know, now I’m staying at 13^th floor.) The feeling could be so cool. I never thought of I could have that kind of thinking. I’m not so adventurous person in my real life, though sometimes I have some wild thought but for real, I never really did that. Am I a coward? Maybe yes. I still remember there is once my friend asked me why I don’t get a boyfriend. I answered him that I scared of commitment. I don’t know why, maybe being alone for too long and too used to it.

Some time ago, I had a discussion with my darling about why do we get into a relationship if we never think of getting married at this age. Is it really because of love or just about lust? Is it just a guy or girl there for us to have physical touch and we wouldn’t be called as slut or pervert? I found that is so true. (I know my darling vis wouldn’t agree with this.) Being into a relationship we need to really trust and have faith to the other half and I find it very difficult to trust someone. After seeing so many real life stories even my family. Even someone that pretended how good he is, how noble he is, but for me, he is just a bastard. Sometimes, as a Christian I really doubt that the things that done or said by Christians are all true. Can I really trust a guy that I can live the rest of my life with him? Maybe I need some counseling. Relationship is the most adventurous activity in this world, more adventurous than sky diving. Hope everyone can get their true love. Love you…